Kinda watching the NBA Finals right now…kinda. I still love the Nuggets because I gotsta rep Denver, but as for the rest of these jokers, are they for real?? This no defense, foul-called-on-every-play, embodiment of selfishness is some real deal bullshit.

Kobe Bryant? He’s like the most popular player in the league and he’s a RAPIST. A rapist! I never really liked Michael Jordan, but I’m hurtin’ for some MJ right now. Or at least some college ball.

Published in: on 06/08/2009 at 12:27 am  Leave a Comment  
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Maureen Dowd

The female op-ed columnist from The New York Times made us all laugh (a lot) during Blowjobgate, which some like to refer to it as “Monicagate”. Then, she sort of stepped into the sexed-up, cougar role and made us all want to barf. Now, she’s just not very much fun to read.

Not only are her columns predictably cutesy and uninformative, she’s straight up ripping people off. Some seem to think she’s handled the plagiarism scandal well and maybe she has: The real reason she should be fired is because her columns officially started to suck circa Bush’s reelection.

Published in: on 05/21/2009 at 1:25 am  Leave a Comment  
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The Internet

Twitter? Gimme a break.

Masturbating to AOL dial-up connects, looking up shit on Altavista…that’s the Internet I knew and loved. Not this.

Published in: on 05/06/2009 at 8:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

Flying in Airplanes

I can still remember flying to Cleveland every summer to visit my grandmother and being fucking stoked about it. I dug the “free” food, the bomb ginger ale that I don’t think I drank outside of an airplane for the first 13 years of my life, the hot flight attendants and even a little turbulence ride.

Now, guess what? There isn’t even shitty airplane food to complain about…or peanuts. They charge you $6 for a beer, flight attendants are no longer hot and I hate turbulence. Plus, birds can make a plane crash. And I won’t even get my Seinfeld stand-up on and start in on the cheek-spreading security. Flying in an airplane fucking sucks.

Published in: on 03/06/2009 at 6:33 pm  Leave a Comment  

Saved by the Bell

I can still recall rushing home after school to catch the re-runs of Saved by the Bell on TBS. I must’ve seen each and every episode 13 times. Shit was the hot f action!

Turns out it’s not. It’s fucking terrible. Have you watched one of these episodes recently? Worst…acting…ever. I’d rather watch Screech porn.

Critics may have panned Showgirls, but, man, I’m pretty sure Elizabeth Berkeley did her best work on that “film.” Especially when compared with THIS:

No, Elizabeth, I’m the one who’s scared.

Published in: on 01/28/2009 at 8:51 pm  Leave a Comment  


Back in the day, SpaghettiO’s used to be one of my favorite snacks. Sheeit, they used to even be good enough for a full meal, getting the sauce all over my mouth and my shirt. The meatball version used to be  my favorite; mmm hmmmm.


But, man oh man, have you tasted this shit lately? It’s like somebody took poorly-spiced ketchup and added rings of the crappiest, most overcooked pasta in the history of the ghettoest ghetto to it. Sweet sassy molassey, SpaghettiO’s are ill in a bad, bad way.

Published in: on 01/07/2009 at 3:11 am  Leave a Comment